The Hollywood 48-Hour Miracle Diet™: Day One

Wandering the aisles of Rite Aide, I've been known to stop in the health/fitness section on occasion and gaze longingly at the trim, beautiful bodies of the women advertising the diet supplements and appetite suppressors. As a young, impressionable and insecure teenage girl (thank you, Jon Lajoie for that embarrassingly accurate description. I love you) I have always been intrigued by the allure of so-called "miracle diets" or well, any diet that promises to shed pounds off my ass and boost my confidence in a bikini, but I've never seriously tried one because while I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, I'm smart enough to know bullshit when I see it. Plus, just because they put "results based on sensible diet and exercise" really tiny on the bottom of the box doesn't mean no one catches on that it's not really that much of a miracle if you end up losing weight doing what any other person would be to achieve the same goal. Today however, I gave in to my curiosity and picked up a bottle of the Hollywood 48-Hour Miracle Diet™ because I had to see for myself if I could really lose "up to 10 pounds in just 48 hours!" or whatever gimmick they're selling to make a profit off of women with little to no self esteem. The best bit is that the disclaimer on the bottom of this bottle is a little different in stating, "Weight loss based on fasting and moderate exercise. Individual results may vary." It also says a little ways above that, "IMPORTANT: For best results do not consume food, alcohol, caffeine or tobacco while on the Hollywood 48-Hour Miracle Diet™" FASTING. Wait, so if I do this, I'm losing weight because I'm not eating? Funny, that.

Anyway, I decided to give this stupid thing a go. I'll post this now because I started today, and I'll probably post again the day after tomorrow or whenever I am officially done. Worst case scenario: I've lost $21 on a stupid gimmick that I already hated. Best case scenario: I lose ten pounds and kick-start the weight loss that should have been happening with my current diet/exercise program (which slowed down or stopped all together for some reason after last week. I haven't lost a pound since). I'm following the instructions carefully: "Day one - 4 oz. HMD™ mixed with 4 oz. water, sip for 4 hours. Repeat three times. Day two - Same. Also, drink 8 glasses of water each day." So... I'm drinking watery fruit juice concentrate that tastes like medicine, and drinking the recommended daily amount of water that i should be drinking anyway? Yeah, I spent $21 on this bullshit. To keep me motivated, however, I drew a little sunshiney smiley face on my first glass of Hollywood gimmick. He's all optimistic and shit:


Boy says it's just an expensive laxative, which may very well be true. Bless your heart, sweet Boy. I love you for looking after me. I know you care, but I'll be fine. You can rub in all the I Told You So's you want in about 43 hours from now! Who knows, maybe I'll be saying it to you? Yeah, right.