Young, impressionable and insecure teenage girls

Hollywood taught me that sex was this beautiful, perfect thing that happened when a man and a woman fell in love and they lived happily ever after. It was always going to be between two beautiful, perfect people with beautiful, perfect bodies. There were always going to be candles and silk sheets and the whole thing would be beautifully, perfectly choreographed and in slow motion while only the most appropriate song plays in the background. After that there would always be cuddling and vows of everlasting love, and in that moment the world was right and just and wonderful.

I blame Hollywood for my disappointment in the real world. Not that either of the men I have been intimate with have been disappointing in bed themselves, I just mean that it was nothing like I was expecting. There was never any whirlwind romance that led to those moments, and there were certainly no promises to love each other forever after. I know I can't blame Hollywood completely, I do just pick terrible men to have sex with. Luckily there have only been two and I'm going to do my very best to use what I have learned from those experiences to prepare me for next time. If there ever is one.

Just Crazy Enough pt.4

Some days the crazy bubbles and boils inside to the point of overflowing, and it's not a pretty sight when it does.

This morning I was talking to my dad about plans to go to the market yesterday that had been canceled, and he asked a very simple question for which I did not have a satisfactory answer. It's not that he needed anything concrete, he was just curious, but I have been kicking myself all day for being so blind as to not see what I probably should have a while ago.

My history with the opposite sex is a short one, and yet still full of regrets. After the aforementioned conversation with my father this morning it has come to my attention that every man I have been involved with has not been happy to have just me. I wasn't enough for any of them and you know what? That really hurts. I like to think I'm a decent enough person, I do what I can to be kind and considerate and I should have some seriously good karma coming my way. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but I'm not completely hideous either (I hope). I'd say I'm rather plain looking, but I'm learning to be okay with that. Given the chance, I could be a generous lover, but I seem to only attract men who want me.... and her, her, and her.

It doesn't work that way, sweetie.

To be clear, I'm not saying there is a certain gentleman in my life at the moment who feels the same way as they all have, I'm just saying this revelation has been a painful one that will more than likely affect my choices in the future. Well, someone would have to want me first.